How to face your fears and move on
Wednesday of this week for me, was momentous. You will probably think that what I am going to say next is not much to write home about!
I went out in my new power chair. There it is. I can hear the murmurs ‘and?’ ‘so?’ ‘and that was momentous because….’.
Having a power chair after years of depending on other people to be pushed around is a wondrous thing. Having no choice as to where you can go, concern about whether the person pushing is able to manage awkward spaces, being parked while they go down a supermarket aisle or go off to talk to someone, is one of the most frustrating things in a disabled person’s life. It has been my life for the past nine years.
About six months ago (yes six months) I finally got a made to measure power chair. At first I wasn’t allowed to go outside in it. This had to wait for an assessment to see if I was ready.
Eventually, I got the date for the assessment. I was very nervous, I panicked when they put me in a chair that had 5 speeds. My chair only had 3 and I usually pottered around the house at 1! Even more scary was that I had to do everything at speed 5! I won’t bore you with the details except to say it was terrifying! There seemed to be more than the usual amount of old ladies with shopping trolleys and mums with buggies and toddlers – all of which I obviously had to avoid!
I passed. Don’t ask me how I haven’t a clue. Somebody came to my house the next day and altered my speeds to five.
Wednesday was the first big test. My daughter offered to take me to the local golf club for brunch. I was going to a cafe where there was potential to plough into tables and chairs, and basically wreck the place. It took me back to the time when I had a mobility scooter and I knocked over a whole rack of ladies’ underwear in Marks and Spencer’s There were bras and knickers all over the place! Mortifying!
So, I was apprehensive of course, but I knew that if I didn’t do it now I would never do it.
It was fantastic. It will be memorable to me in this journey I’m on. It has given me so much more confidence to go out more. It just goes to show that you must face your fears to move onwards and upwards!