Disability issues

The ‘Before’ And The ‘After’

Is this what my life has become?

French stone wall with 2 yellow shuttered windows
Photo by Will Essayenko on Unsplash

I’m sure we have all seen magazine pieces or shows on TV where we can look at a person’s ‘before’ and after’ story. It could be their weight, re-doing their home or having a beauty make-over. Certainly here in Britain we have plenty of them.

I didn’t realise I was a ‘before’ and ‘after’ person until I wrote this post, even though I’m sure I’ve written in those terms in other posts!

Anyway, before I bore you and myself to death let’s get on.

We have a heatwave in the UK at the moment.  This is very difficult for those of us who suffer with MS or with other chronic illnesses.  Heat equals lack of energy, increased fatigue and worst of all lack of sleep, which is my greatest enemy.

I always find summer more difficult than any other time.  Since I became disabled, a season I once loved – my favourite part of the year, has become so hard. Not just because the physical symptoms of MS, and the effect of the heat, but on a more emotional level.  I find it depressing.

That’s a funny thing to say, one would expect to feel more depressed in Winter.  But no, for me it’s summer.  

Normally at this time we would be in France and all the family would join us. We would take day trips to the local lakes, swim and eat chips and ice cream.  When we got home we (usually me) would cook big meals and eat late when the sun had gone down, and stay up tilll the early hours chewing the fat and enjoying the relatively cool hours.  

That was before I became ill with MS and those summers became a struggle, like every other part of my life.  We still go (obviously not this year), but things are very different.  Our family still come, each to their own houses (we were the pioneers – story for another day) and we get together as often as we can, but more often we have to stay at home because my carer puts me to bed at 7 pm.

We have all adapted to this new way, I have a small terrace off my bedroom and this is regularly the meeting place for drinks.  It’s lovely. But it’s not like before.

And I suppose that’s what my life boils down to now – it’s not like before. Here in the UK I go to bed at 6pm so no sitting out with drinks or eating for me.  Most of the family are in France, but some are not so I still have the company of my youngest daughter and my beautiful grandsons.  For that I am eternally grateful.

But I remain wistful for days gone by and I’m exhausted by this heat!

This doesn’t stop me living my life the best way I can despite its limitations.  I shall go on doing that for as long as I live.

Just a little note……..

To say that I’m taking a break from now until Monday 24th August. I need to take a step back and recover from the stress of losing our grandson and to reorganise my blogging life. I hope you will bear with me. I shall still be reading and commenting on other blogs.

Thanks for reading and stay safe as always.

Photo by K8 on Unsplash

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