And stop it bringing me to a standstill
My anxiety is flourishing again at the moment. It’s because my routine is disturbed and also I’m annoyed with myself for not writing enough this week.
I’ve been drafting a fairly detailed blog post about anxiety with suggesting some strategies to deal with it! Here I am not dealing with it.
I need to practice what I’m trying to preach.
The unpredictability factor
But anxiety is something that, however many strategies you try, sometimes will not be appeased. Plus if you don’t have the time or space to implement them, it can increase the anxiety.
This is what’s happening with me.
My life is routine controlled. I lack basic choices like the choice to decide when to get out of bed in the morning. That’s decided for me by carers and their roster.
I want to do so much. But most of all I want to write. I have limited time and no space. I must start playing the lottery!
When I can’t write I get anxious. That turns into something nearing panic. But it’s not just when I can’t write.
What am I anxious about now?
I can feel anxious about anything at anytime. That’s the worst thing about suffering from anxiety. It just arrives without warning. Sometimes I just stop and think ‘what are you anxious about now?!
The answer is always ‘I don’t know’. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?
Can you see how full of purely rhetorical, unanswerable questions I am? That’s because everything is just whirling round in my head and I just can’t put my finger on one thing that is causing me to feel anxiety at any particular time.
The strange thing is that last week I was calm and relaxed, I drafted half of a blog post which I was pleased with. I felt I was in control. This week, however, totally the opposite.
I despair. I don’t want to be like this. I’m fed up to the back teeth with it.
But I know that it’s going to keep on coming when I least expect it. I sort of know what the triggers are. Unfortunately it’s not always possible for me to avoid them. I have to find ways to overcome them.
So, I’m working with the strategies I have developed and writing about them slowly. I want to make sure I get them right.
I promise that blog post will be ready as soon as I feel less anxious about the whole thing!